A Love & Hate Letter To Songwriting
Dear Songwriting,
We’ve had a long-standing, complicated relationship and it’s time we talk about it. Let’s start here: I love you. You’ve been such an incredible outlet for me ever since we got together when I was just 14 years old. When we first met, you were a way for me to process my feelings. A way to talk about the boys I had a crush on, the people who I thought did me wrong, and the odd, angsty, new emotions I had bubbling up in me as a teenage girl. (Sorry Mom & Dad.) However, when I got to college and realized you were something I could also create a career with, we started to get to know each other on an entirely different level.
We’ve been through so many phases (or as they say now-a-days, “eras”.) The breezy island phase when we thought I was going to be a Coral Reefer, the purely Country phase with the questionable rhyme schemes, getting pulled one way and then the other with whatever I was listening to at the time, (remember the Jason Mraz days? Why didn’t you tell me I don’t look good in a Fedora? I HAD 3!) Now, we’re here. The phase where I’m not really sure what’s going to come out that day, what sub-genre it’s going to sound like, or even if I’m going to fully like or understand what I’m trying to do. I’m enjoying this phase. There’s a level of acceptance but also wanting to be the best version of myself. It feels amazing when I finish a song either by myself or with a co-writer and I’m walking away singing what we just wrote. However, not every day ends that way. Sometimes they end up being downright shit.
Let’s talk about those days, shall we? While I love you, I also hate you. I hate you for the days where I question my own ability. The years of hard work and experience, fine-tuning this thing we have between us? Gone. Out the window. Like you took every creative bone in my body and fled. Why? Why do you do that? It’s INFURIATING. I know not every song I write will be a great song, or even a good one. I also know that in order to get to those good and great songs, you have to write the bad ones. Is that why you leave? To open the floodgates in my head of every awful lyric and musical idea I’ve ever had in order to clear the way for the good ones? Damn you for doing something that’s for my own betterment as a creative but making me come to my own conclusions with 0 assistance from you. Ass.
For all it’s worth, I know deep in my heart that we’ll never truly leave each other. Like the chalky, yet addictive little sugar hearts say “4EVER.” I know we have to have the bad days in order to get to the great. Both the bad and great days help us grow and get better. I love those days when I’m doing something entirely unrelated to songwriting and suddenly BAM! LYRIC IDEA! A MELODY! A potential hook?? I furiously type in my notes app or try to find a pencil and paper getting all giddy and excited again. Can we talk about the midnight and 3 AM ideas, though? Can they come a little earlier in the day? Preferably, when it’s light outside?
All in all, we’ve got it pretty good. I know this thing between us will keep growing and evolving and I’m ever-so-grateful for all of the songs we’ve created. The ones we love, the ones we let sit and revisit later, and the ones that maybe should stay hidden in a folder somewhere. Happy Valentine’s Day, songwriting.
To many more to come,
Erin
